Ooooo, I feel that intrusive thought Carrie! Last year my intrusive thought was very similar to yours "You're behind." How are you handling your thought, btw?
June, congrats on becoming a mom! and also welcome to the clusterfuck that is the first few years.
I had intrusive thoughts all the time that first year. Thoughts that someone was going to break in, I was going to die, someone else was going to die...the list goes on. Sure, a lot of it is hormones, a lot of it for me was this new existence—the new realization and insane pressure that now as a mother, a person's life and emotional well-being was entirely dependent on me. My nervous system was shot.
The first year is so messy. You're in your body all the time but it's not entirely your own. You're recovering from pregnancy and birth, but also producing bonding hormones and milk. You're not sleeping, on top of all of that, which is actually what regulates your whole system.
It's okay not to feel normal. (What is normal after you've had a kid?) I was eventually diagnosed with postpartum anxiety/panic disorder and then was reluctantly medicated. It saved me. I couldn't meditate my nervous system back to normalt, and I hated to admit that after all the spiritual and psychological work I had done. I know it's not for everyone, but it's good to know your options.
Also I was introduced to an amazing postpartum therapist during that time, if you ever want to connect informally.
Wow, Lydia! Thank you for taking the time to read and to share your experience💕. Solidarity is so important, especially as I’m seeing firsthand how easy isolation can be in motherhood. And btw clusterfuck is a spot on description, especially during newborn phase. I feel like the second I get the hang of something, everything changes overnight (all over again) and it’s a scramble to get back to some sort of equilibrium.
I especially find meaningful your transparency around medication and how helpful it was. This is something I have never felt conflicted about, luckily. Possibly because I met so many moms during pregnancy who mirrored your “it saved me” sentiment. If I end up needing a therapist I’ll definitely reach out. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and resources with me/us. I value that deeply!!!
The thought that steals my joy is: How will I ever get all this important info out that women need to know? Time’s flying, and we’re still living in a world where women’s causes get less than 2% of all charitable giving, but when I meet that thought with compassion instead of judgment, I remind myself that I’m one woman, doing my part. I remember that change happens one conversation, one connection, one spark at a time.
Ohhhh Cat! This compassionate thought is SO GOOD. Yes, you are absolutely doing your part to make a difference! I always think about the visual of a tiny stone being thrown into a pond and how it sends massive ripples when it hits the surface. This is you and your meaningful work. You are one person, but your impact is massive!
Well, my friend, my intrusive thought at the moment is pretty much, “you’re so f*cked.” Repeated to me ad nauseam throughout the day.
In the last three weeks, I discovered my partner of 9 years sexting her ex and was subsequently told that my job of 9 years (my really, really well-paying job) is ending.
So I’m in full-on triage mode at home… trying to decide if I can forgive the betrayal and lies that led to me catching her and move forward, while simultaneously trying to figure out if/when I/we will have to sell off furniture, move out of our house, and re-home our dogs while also trying to find a new job (in or out of film).
And believe me, I realize there are people in other countries and other states dealing with actual life and death situations, but it doesn’t make me feel like what I’m dealing with is any less crazy. Or hopeless. (I should add that I turn 50 in a little over 2 months which feels… weird).
As for your intrusive thoughts… having lost both parents already, I can only imagine what it feels like when you start expecting it. I didn’t in either case and, if I had, I imagine it would be terribly frightening and painful.
Oh my goodness, Shaun! My heart breaks for you. I absolutely understand even more why you'd have that thought. Who wouldn't?? As you're being initiated into intense, painful change, I hope you can find compassion and love for yourself. So much is out of your control and I think it could be easy to believe the thought to be true, but you are one of the most tenacious people I know. No matter how "f*cked" a situation, you can find aligned, creative solutions... I've watched you do it. That is in your DNA.
Big hugs to you, June!!
The intrusive thought that steals my joy is, "You're too late."
😳
Ooooo, I feel that intrusive thought Carrie! Last year my intrusive thought was very similar to yours "You're behind." How are you handling your thought, btw?
June, congrats on becoming a mom! and also welcome to the clusterfuck that is the first few years.
I had intrusive thoughts all the time that first year. Thoughts that someone was going to break in, I was going to die, someone else was going to die...the list goes on. Sure, a lot of it is hormones, a lot of it for me was this new existence—the new realization and insane pressure that now as a mother, a person's life and emotional well-being was entirely dependent on me. My nervous system was shot.
The first year is so messy. You're in your body all the time but it's not entirely your own. You're recovering from pregnancy and birth, but also producing bonding hormones and milk. You're not sleeping, on top of all of that, which is actually what regulates your whole system.
It's okay not to feel normal. (What is normal after you've had a kid?) I was eventually diagnosed with postpartum anxiety/panic disorder and then was reluctantly medicated. It saved me. I couldn't meditate my nervous system back to normalt, and I hated to admit that after all the spiritual and psychological work I had done. I know it's not for everyone, but it's good to know your options.
Also I was introduced to an amazing postpartum therapist during that time, if you ever want to connect informally.
Rooting for your girly <3
Wow, Lydia! Thank you for taking the time to read and to share your experience💕. Solidarity is so important, especially as I’m seeing firsthand how easy isolation can be in motherhood. And btw clusterfuck is a spot on description, especially during newborn phase. I feel like the second I get the hang of something, everything changes overnight (all over again) and it’s a scramble to get back to some sort of equilibrium.
I especially find meaningful your transparency around medication and how helpful it was. This is something I have never felt conflicted about, luckily. Possibly because I met so many moms during pregnancy who mirrored your “it saved me” sentiment. If I end up needing a therapist I’ll definitely reach out. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and resources with me/us. I value that deeply!!!
The thought that steals my joy is: How will I ever get all this important info out that women need to know? Time’s flying, and we’re still living in a world where women’s causes get less than 2% of all charitable giving, but when I meet that thought with compassion instead of judgment, I remind myself that I’m one woman, doing my part. I remember that change happens one conversation, one connection, one spark at a time.
Ohhhh Cat! This compassionate thought is SO GOOD. Yes, you are absolutely doing your part to make a difference! I always think about the visual of a tiny stone being thrown into a pond and how it sends massive ripples when it hits the surface. This is you and your meaningful work. You are one person, but your impact is massive!
Well, my friend, my intrusive thought at the moment is pretty much, “you’re so f*cked.” Repeated to me ad nauseam throughout the day.
In the last three weeks, I discovered my partner of 9 years sexting her ex and was subsequently told that my job of 9 years (my really, really well-paying job) is ending.
So I’m in full-on triage mode at home… trying to decide if I can forgive the betrayal and lies that led to me catching her and move forward, while simultaneously trying to figure out if/when I/we will have to sell off furniture, move out of our house, and re-home our dogs while also trying to find a new job (in or out of film).
And believe me, I realize there are people in other countries and other states dealing with actual life and death situations, but it doesn’t make me feel like what I’m dealing with is any less crazy. Or hopeless. (I should add that I turn 50 in a little over 2 months which feels… weird).
As for your intrusive thoughts… having lost both parents already, I can only imagine what it feels like when you start expecting it. I didn’t in either case and, if I had, I imagine it would be terribly frightening and painful.
Thinking of you all.
Oh my goodness, Shaun! My heart breaks for you. I absolutely understand even more why you'd have that thought. Who wouldn't?? As you're being initiated into intense, painful change, I hope you can find compassion and love for yourself. So much is out of your control and I think it could be easy to believe the thought to be true, but you are one of the most tenacious people I know. No matter how "f*cked" a situation, you can find aligned, creative solutions... I've watched you do it. That is in your DNA.
Ugh June I so feel you! Wrapping my arms around you so tightly from afar 🤗🤗🤗
Thank you, Baily! Right back at you